...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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