It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
