KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Drunk walkin through police station. America
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
