Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
