she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
