I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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