Betty ford says i'm here all night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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