seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
