are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
