Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
