I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i now understand why vodka
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
