I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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