So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize