Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
