i think i have herpe
just one?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
