I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
