My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
