How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
