id be glad to
false alarm. still invincible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
