normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
