Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
