y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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