If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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