He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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