I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
