That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
