so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
