Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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