So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
