just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
