We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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