so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
