NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
