I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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