you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
