i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
