I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
