i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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