Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize