I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
