you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
