James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
