grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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