I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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