Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
