i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
