Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
