i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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