Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I died a long time ago.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
