I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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