Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
