How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
