i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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