Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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