man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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