Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
