Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
