Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
