I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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