I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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