My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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