Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
