did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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