I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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