Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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