i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
