his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We are all done wearing pants today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
